Yesterday I shared the story of Fred and the medical
emergency that he experienced, noting that when asked by a neighbor what had
happened to Fred, I could say nothing.
There was another event in that same setting which involved
a non-emergency situation. “Joe” was scheduled for hip replacement. When I
visited with him and his wife, I asked Joe what if anything he would want the
other residents to know about his impending hospitalization. Joe asked me to
tell the residents of his upcoming surgery and to ask for their prayers. Not too many days after his surgery, Joe’s
wife called to say that her husband had been discharged from the hospital that
very afternoon and he was home! I went over to their cottage for a short visit,
delighted to see Joe’s recuperation coming along so speedily. I offered to deliver their evening meal,
saving Joe’s wife a trek to the dining room in the dark. As I was leaving the kitchen, two meals in
tow in a large plastic bag, I noted to all the residents that my bag held
supper for Joe and his wife, that he had just returned from the hospital. There
was a spontaneous burst of applause from the resident-diners. What a marvelous expression of community
In another setting, an Assisted Living Community, “Shirley”,
a diminutive, warm and gracious person, required surgery at the earliest
possible date. Unmarried, Shirley’s cousin and niece were there for her and
they were coming to take her to the hospital mid-morning. I announced to the
residents at breakfast, with Shirley’s agreement, that she would be leaving
around 10:00 for the hospital. I had
suggested to the staff earlier that they may want to wish Shirley well if they
saw her that morning. What happened was
an amazing show of solidarity and bonds of community. When Shirley’s family members arrived, I went
with them to Shirley’s apartment. When
we turned from her apartment down the
corridor to the front entrance, there was a virtual “honor guard” of about a
dozen residents and staff, each wishing her well, promising prayers and telling
her to hurry and come back home! Shirley was moved beyond words, as were her
cousin and niece.
Not everyone would want that attention and may opt for ‘no
announcement.’ But the option was offered
-- that’s the crux, I believe – and Shirley welcomed it.
Lastly, I share a story surrounding the death of one of our
Sisters three years ago this week. Madlyn was a good friend and also a
classmate since high school days.Our Superior, Sister Ann, posted notes about
Madlyn a few times during Madlyn’s last week of life. Of course Ann shared
what Madlyn wanted shared. What a comfort it was to read Ann’s words that
Madlyn (who at that stage did not want company) was at great peace, to read
that she was having dreams of “beautiful flowers and loving
people.” We were able in a very real way to accompany Madlyn during those sacred last
days and nights.
Carter Williams, noted social worker and activist in transforming
the culture of aging services reminds us that “relationships are at the heart
of life. And that does not change as we age.”
Taking that proactive step of asking an individual what she
wants the community to know, what she wants the family to know, acknowledges
and honors the place of relationships in the life of that person, and her place
in the life of the community. If information is shared within that circle,
relationships and bonds do undoubtedly deepen. Community is expressed,
experienced and deepened in those situations where the affected individual
intentionally chooses to share, with limitations that she herself sets,
something about her journey. For community members, we have shared a common
journey in some way or another, more intimately or not. When the concepts of “privacy” or “HIPAA” are
erroneously applied, we all suffer a loss.
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