Mystery and Transformation – Not that “D” Thing

Earlier this morning I was re-reading Carol Zinn, SSJ’s Presidential Address to the 2014 LCWR Assembly. The Assembly theme was Holy Mystery Revealed in our Midst. Carol points out that Mystery resides in the Heart of God and is revealed “to those of us who put our ear to God’s Heart, listen carefully and follow freely no matter the cost.”

Carol’s references certainly refer to Religious Life as we are experiencing it today. We are in a state of great shift. In twenty years there will be a whole new face to religious life in the United States, both literally and physically.  But as I read Carol’s address, I see the promise of Mystery, the promise of Transformation even when the way is not clear.  The image of the chrysalis kept coming back to me with its unexpected and mysterious transformation into butterfly.

Yesterday I started to read another article, this one also about religious life. I didn't get past the first paragraph, though I will have to go back to it. The Sister-author begins, “In being asked to reflect on congregational diminishment ….” Admittedly, when I see the word ‘diminishment’ used in the context of religious life, I have a visceral reaction not far from vehemence. Why? Because diminishment means a lessening of. The Merriam Webster Dictionary provides this definition of diminish: “to be or to make seem to be smaller or less important.”

Sisters in the United States do not believe that religious life is less important.  We believe this in the face of fewer new members. The broad response to the Apostolic Visitation was that we Sisters grew in solidarity and in confidence. There is a sense that we are stronger now than at the beginning of the Apostolic Visitation.

For these reasons and more, we do a great disservice to ourselves and to those others who are the receiver of our word ‘diminishment’ when it is said or written within and/or among congregations of women religious so freely and without any descriptive qualifiers.  When the “d” word is used, are Sisters talking about a smaller number of members?  If so, then “diminishment of numbers” is the correct description and terminology. Are Sisters talking about the higher median age, the changing proportion in the number of those Sisters who are “retired” with those who are in “active ministry?”  I fear this is the case most of the time. I fear that too many Sisters really do – at least subconsciously – view the process of aging, which gives us our higher median age, as a time of loss and diminishment. That’s what all of society yells at us from every conceivable source.

As a gerontologist, I bring the good news that such a view of aging is totally off base. That’s grit for lots more blog entries!  Today, I put the “d” word and its unqualified, unconscious use within the context of Carol Zinn’s Presidential Address.  What we too readily see as Congregational loss and diminishment is rather Holy Mystery. We are called by the signs of the times to discern what is emerging, to live into a future we do not know, but which we trust because we have our ear to the Heart of God. The colorful, lively caterpillar with voracious appetite may seem to be regressing as it spins and hides itself in a colorless, hard cocoon. And that caterpillar, living in darkness, cannot imagine the beautiful creature that will emerge totally transformed.

We are in Holy Mystery. No matter how dark, no matter how empty the answers to our questions come back to us, we are emerging into the future. Our task is to be certain that our ears are at God’s Heart, that we “listen carefully and follow freely, no matter the cost.”

Sister Carol Zinn’s Presidential Address can be accessed  here

HIPAA, Community and Privacy: How to Honor it All Part Two of Two

Yesterday I shared the story of Fred and the medical emergency that he experienced, noting that when asked by a neighbor what had happened to Fred, I could say nothing.

There was another event in that same setting which involved a non-emergency situation. “Joe” was scheduled for hip replacement. When I visited with him and his wife, I asked Joe what if anything he would want the other residents to know about his impending hospitalization. Joe asked me to tell the residents of his upcoming surgery and to ask for their prayers.  Not too many days after his surgery, Joe’s wife called to say that her husband had been discharged from the hospital that very afternoon and he was home! I went over to their cottage for a short visit, delighted to see Joe’s recuperation coming along so speedily.  I offered to deliver their evening meal, saving Joe’s wife a trek to the dining room in the dark.  As I was leaving the kitchen, two meals in tow in a large plastic bag, I noted to all the residents that my bag held supper for Joe and his wife, that he had just returned from the hospital. There was a spontaneous burst of applause from the resident-diners.  What a marvelous expression of community

In another setting, an Assisted Living Community, “Shirley”, a diminutive, warm and gracious person, required surgery at the earliest possible date. Unmarried, Shirley’s cousin and niece were there for her and they were coming to take her to the hospital mid-morning. I announced to the residents at breakfast, with Shirley’s agreement, that she would be leaving around 10:00 for the hospital.   I had suggested to the staff earlier that they may want to wish Shirley well if they saw her that morning.  What happened was an amazing show of solidarity and bonds of community.  When Shirley’s family members arrived, I went with them to Shirley’s apartment.  When we turned from her apartment  down the corridor to the front entrance, there was a virtual “honor guard” of about a dozen residents and staff, each wishing her well, promising prayers and telling her to hurry and come back home! Shirley was moved beyond words, as were her cousin and niece.

Not everyone would want that attention and may opt for ‘no announcement.’  But the option was offered -- that’s the crux, I believe – and Shirley welcomed it. 

Lastly, I share a story surrounding the death of one of our Sisters three years ago this week. Madlyn was a good friend and also a classmate since high school days.Our Superior, Sister Ann, posted notes about Madlyn a few times during Madlyn’s last week of life. Of course Ann shared what Madlyn wanted shared. What a comfort it was to read Ann’s words that Madlyn (who at that stage did not want company) was at great peace, to read that she was having dreams of “beautiful flowers and loving people.” We were able in a very real way to accompany Madlyn during those sacred last days and nights.

Carter Williams, noted social worker and activist in transforming the culture of aging services reminds us that “relationships are at the heart of life. And that does not change as we age.”

Taking that proactive step of asking an individual what she wants the community to know, what she wants the family to know, acknowledges and honors the place of relationships in the life of that person, and her place in the life of the community. If information is shared within that circle, relationships and bonds do undoubtedly deepen. Community is expressed, experienced and deepened in those situations where the affected individual intentionally chooses to share, with limitations that she herself sets, something about her journey.  For  community members, we have shared a common journey in some way or another, more intimately or not.  When the concepts of “privacy” or “HIPAA” are erroneously applied, we all suffer a loss.

HIPAA, Community and Privacy: How to Honor it All

When I was at our motherhouse two weeks ago, one of the Sisters with whom I lived in community some forty years ago told me that she was going to have a particular medical procedure done later that week.  She feared the results would be a diagnosis of cancer. Yesterday she wrote to me that indeed that is exactly what the procedure revealed. This morning this Sister posted that news on our Congregational/Associate electronic bulletin board, indicating a surgery date and asking for prayers.

In my e-mail to her earlier today, I include this note of thanks along with my promise of prayers:

I want to thank you for sharing your news with us.  I know that privacy is a word bandied about much, and many times I feel that some distortion of its meaning keeps us isolated from each other.  Each of us has the right to decide what and how much we want to share with any individual or group.  Your sharing enables me and so many other Sisters and Associates who know and love you to accompany you more closely and meaningfully on this journey. It deepens our bonds of community and sisterhood.  Thank you.

Privacy is highly valued in our culture. Additionally, if we are healthcare providers, the legal aspects of privacy under HIPAA* come into play and strictly limit what health information can be disseminated and to whom.  Note that HIPAA’s legal obligations bind health care providers, not family members or friends. What binds the actions or words of family members, friends or any other non-healthcare provider is the affected person’s right to privacy.  This honoring of privacy is an ethical issue of long standing, binding non-health care providers eons before HIPAA was ever dreamed of.

As a director of an Independent Living retirement center, I remember an emergency event which entailed calling an ambulance to the cottage of one of the residents. As the ambulance pulled away, one of the neighboring residents came from his cottage to ask what had happened to “Fred.” Of course I could not provide any information; the resident understood that.  That particular incident resulted in Fred’s hospitalization for some time. When he did return home, the residents gathered round his table in the dining room, long after all the dishes had been removed, to share good conversation and express their gratitude for his return home.  It was an expression of community.

While honoring both the legal constraints of HIPAA and the ethical right to privacy, there are pro-active steps that can be taken in health care situations that deepen the bonds of compassion, community and friendship.

Read about that tomorrow

*If you want to know more about HIPAA, the Health Information Portability and Accountability Act, go here

I Just Got Called a Little Old Lady!

San Antonio International Airport

January 6, 2015   

I was first in line to approach the next available agent to get my boarding pass. An agent became available, but I could not move immediately because a family with several young, well-behaved children was crossing  directly in front of me. I think I automatically smile when I see children, and I was probably smiling when the agent caught my eye.  A woman who, from her accent, I later surmised might have been from the Caribbean Islands.  She smiled at me and said for everyone to hear, “There is a smiling little old lady, a sweet grandma.”

To say I was caught off-guard would not be a hyperbole. I approached her station, still smiling, and said, “A little old lady I may be, but a grandma I am not. I am a Catholic Sister.”  She was gracious and efficient in getting my board pass for me.  She was very pleasant and there was no doubt that her spontaneous description of me was not in any way done with a demeaning or pejorative intention. As I thanked her, I asked her, because I had forgotten, what words she had used to describe me as a grandma.  She said, “Sweet. Someone who bakes cookies for her grandchildren.”

For my readers who have never seen me in person,  I’m 5”6” -- 1 ½” shorter than in my earlier years. I’m not svelte, but I’m not obese. I’m not little.

But the airline agent’s use of this often-used phrase never refers to these physical characteristics. Rather it reflects the perceptions of age in the eye of the viewer in the context of our society’s view of aging and older adults. “Little old lady” lumps all older women together as a group of women with common characteristics. One little old lady is like every other little old lady. We've all heard stories, have perhaps, for shame, even told them, with lines that begin, “There was this little old lady” or “there were two little old ladies ---.” Images and concepts come to mind when this phrase is used or heard. Think of the descriptive words that come to mind when YOU hear “little old lady.”  Do you automatically think, for example, university professor, immunologist, cancer survivor mentor, world traveler, executive director, or are the images more like behind the times, not really too ‘swift’, over the hill, living life with very limited hopes or dreams, etc.

After I got through security, I HAD to call a few of my friends and relate this experience. My telling of it involved much laughter on both sides of the telephone conversations.  I’ll have to ponder the why of that more deeply, but my first thoughts are that it is just my spontaneous response to the actual experience of this totally unexpected event coming from a stranger.  And this woman had no awareness of the negative, pejorative implications of this phrase. I do feel very good that I didn't feel insulted. I’m happy I laughed and shared this experience. I feel good that I can say without embarrassment or apology that I am an older woman – but not as old as I’m going to be, God willing!

Now this older woman has a plane to catch!