Why Pogo is so loved

 

In a post some months ago, I introduced my readers to Pogo.  The pictures accompanying the  post showed one Sister after another, each with a warm smile, interacting with or just appreciating Pogo.

What I did not include in that post was a little more information about Pogo himself. I didn't remark that Pogo is an old dog. And another thing, Pogo has only three legs.  He's crippled. When he was still a puppy, he was hit by a vehicle, necessitating the amputation of his right leg at the hip. When he was adopted from the shelter, Pogo had already lost that leg.

Are those harsh words, not-to-be-used words, 'old', and 'crippled'?

The word crippled is considered offensive because it describes, Pogo in this case, in terms of his limitations or disability. It is an ableist term. Ableism discriminates against persons with  physical limitations in favor of able-bodied persons.

Of itself, the word old is neutral, neither offensive nor unwarranted in its use for a person or, in this case, Pogo who has lived a long time. It is society's view of old age that make this word unacceptable in the eyes of some. You know,  the attitude that 'old is bad and young is good' screamed to us in our culture every day through every possible medium.

If one would ask any of the Sisters about Pogo, I daresay that, to a person, the response would be an immediate smile and some words of affection for that little dog, that little dog that brings so much joy and happiness. Not a single person would say, for example, "Oh, that poor dog. He's old, you know.  And he is crippled. He just needs to be someplace where somebody can take care of him. The poor thing.  It's really sad --- old and crippled."

The universal outlook is to see and experience Pogo first and foremost for his strengths, his lovability and the joy and the richness he brings to all he meets. Not a bad perspective! Why don't we react the same way about old people?  Do we first and foremost see "decline" and lock our view of old people into that terrible, negative little prison?

There is a growing awareness among thought leaders in the aging services profession that it is a much more valid and certainly a healthier, life-giving perspective to see older adults in their communities first in terms of their strengths and their gifts. Prior to the sheet in the medical record that lists diagnoses and comorbidities should be a sheet with the narrative of the gifts and strengths which that person brings to the community. How will their gifts, talents, skills and passion contribute to a more vibrant community? And how will the community provide an environment that encourages and facilitates the use of those gifts?

Jill Vitale-Aussem is one such thought leader. She is quite passionate and articulate around this concept of recognizing and honoring strengths in older adults.  Moments ago, I stepped away from my blog and went to check my Facebook news. By God's Providence (no coincidence!) Jill had just posted a piece on this very topic of seeing and honoring the gifts that older adults bring and want to utilize. Jill writes about a letter she had gotten from a woman who had moved from her community to another State. In that letter, the writer shared with Jill her memories of life in that retirement community. Spoiler Alert!  The woman did not talk about all the fine services available to her in this retirement community. She wrote about the joy and sense of contentment that comes from having purpose and meaning in life -- yes, even in a retirement community.

It is less than a two-minute read, and you can find it here.

 

 

                                       Meet Pogo

Pogo lives in a happy convent home on our motherhouse campus with Sister Bernadette. Pogo spreads happiness much beyond that one household, however, when Sister Bernadette takes Pogo over to the main convent building to visit the Sisters who live there. See for yourself!

 

 

It is trite to reiterate the fact that animal companions bring us joy, or to point to the voluminous research documenting the psychological and physiological benefits bestowed on us humans by non-human animal companions.

But I don't write about that today.  I show the joy Pogo brings to my Sisters, the gift that Pogo is.

In my next post, I offer a few other thoughts about Pogo and those who love him within the context of how unconscious social  constructs influence our responses.

Unil then --

Thank you, Pogo, for being who you are and for what you have always and continue to bring to all those you meet. You are so loved!

 

 

 

 

                        

Hearts Starve as Well as Bodies

In the effort to keep nursing home residents safe, there have been strict guidelines resulting in -- 7 months now -- of isolation, or these older adults being confined to their rooms. Period. The results of this prolonged isolation show themselves in the physical, mental and emotional decline. The link to both a video and the printed transcript of the 3-minute news clip illustrates this in the stark reality that it is.

For those who have appointed or elected authority for the care of their Sisters, these months have been very stressful with a full focus on "keeping our Sisters safe". That sense of safety and security also applies to one's sense of well-being, of being connected with others, of finding joy and comfort in what the day brings. It is a tall order to fill in this time, but that does not lessen the mandate that care must go beyond physical well-being.  It is stated well in the words of a beloved labor song, "Bread and Roses" -- "Hearts starve as well as bodies. Give us bread but give us roses too."

The link to the video is here

BE OLD AT HEART

The following is a passage from the book, This Is Getting Old: Zen Thoughts on Aging with Humor and Dignity (Shambhala, 2010) by Susan Moon:

“It annoys me when people say, ‘Even if you’re old, you can be young at heart!’ Hiding inside this well-meaning phrase is a deep cultural assumption that old is bad and young is good. What’s wrong with being old at heart, I’d like to know? Wouldn’t you like to be loved by people whose hearts have practiced loving for a long time?” 

A very fine reflection on the social construct that young is good and old is bad.  It belies the age denial mechanism that says ‘age is just a number’.

Let us be counter-cultural, prophetic believers in a God of Infinite Love who made ALL creation --- all through the life span --- “good, very good.”

If we hold that value-laden stance, how differently would we see our aging body, for example, or the aging bodies of others?  The waistline that has expanded as we grow from youth to middle age and later is worthy of respect and honor.  That double chin is “just perfect”.  Therefore, I, the person – so much more than just  the physical -- am worthy of rerpect and honor and am “just perfect” as I am.

And of course this is true for our neighbors as well as for the strangers who cross our paths.

“Letting Go”

That phrase, “letting go” is a well-used one within my age cohort and among those who would tell us how to age well. “We have to let go.” It is a phrase that has always gone against the grain for me – not because it is not true, but because I believe that in its common usage it only tells half the story. Inasmuch as the phrase is a half-truth, the hearers and the speakers of this phrase are victims of the great, self-harming prejudice of ageism.

Life is a series of letting go experiences.  We had to let go of our baby teeth to make room for permanent teeth.  We let go of familiar relationships with our parents when we left home to go to college, or to the convent, or to a new home with a marriage partner. Those earlier parental relationships did not wither and die; they changed into differently nuanced relationships, different, more mature, but built on the familiar. And who would argue that one would naturally want to return to the teenage or early adulthood parental relationship?  We recognize the gifts of deepened relationships which developed as a consequence of our leaving home, of our letting go of a familiar relationship.

Most commonly the expression of letting go in later life is used as if it were something different from experiences earlier in our life of letting go, something which leaves us experiencing emptiness and (oh, I rage at the context of this next word) diminished. The message is that we let go and let go and let go as we are hurtled on a downward slide until death greets us at the bottom of the hill.

What is left out of this common usage is the second half of letting go:  we let go in order to grasp the new. This is a one-minute clip that shows, in a physical dimension, what letting go in order to grasp the new looks like.

Not many of my readers are trapeze artists, I’m sure. And the physical balance, coordination, agility and endurance is beyond most of us at any age.  Our letting go to make space for the new is the space for further growth and development. What might that be?  Deeper insights about one’s self, deeper perspective about life, peace, surety about things we used not to be so sure about, nuances in relationships, wisdom, -----.The letting go to make space for the new holds a psychic and spiritual energy that parallels the physical energy of the trapeze artists in the video.

The new we make space for will not be in the physical agility dimension.  Arthritic conditions will not disappear; the five-mile jog each morning will not reappear; the sense of breathlessness on the last set of stairs will not absent itself. However, let us never equate or limit our “self” with our “physical self”.

Perhaps instead of the traditional understanding of the half truth of "letting go" we should see it in its totality --  "let's go!"

Review of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism

Throughout my adult life,  there have been a small number of books that are such treasures in wisdom, insights and new knowledge that I have been impelled to announce to friends, colleagues, and at least once or twice to elevator companions, that the book is something that they just  MUST treat themselves to because it will change how they think, how they view the subject at hand.  One of those books is This Chair Rocks by Ashton Applewhite.

What follows is a review that I provided at the invitation of a Sister in elected leadership in  her congregation for their Provincial newsletter.

We’ve all been there:

--  Shocked, unhappy at the growing expanse of gray hair --- or maybe just the growing expanse!

--  The dissatisfaction with hair that is getting thinner, the chin that is becoming a double chin

--The embarrassment that it is not always so easy to open that sealed jar of olives

--The embarrassment that it takes a little longer to get up that last flight of stairs

In This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, Ashton Applewhite sets all these experiences around aging in perspective, showing how almost universally we respond to these physical changes as negative. She calls it “age shame”, seeded and nurtured through the false, negative myths of aging that we have absorbed all our lives. We have never assessed these suppositions about age; we have just believed them and have been taken in by them hook, line and sinker! Believing all these negative myths about aging is a profound prejudice against our future selves and is profoundly harmful to our well-being

When God looked at Creation on the seventh day, God said, “It is good, very good.” God did not say, “The first forty years or so of human life are very good, but after that it is pretty much downhill”. This Chair Rocks releases – without ever using a religious context - the Gospel News that God’s creation of us is “good, very good”, not just for the first half of life but throughout the lifespan. Read it and it will turn your ideas of aging on their head! This is the good news that we should be preaching today in our works of mercy through word and example!

We are so immersed in it.

Each Wednesday’s local paper always includes a Food section. The feature article this past Wednesday was a story about Mr. ____ who makes dozens of fruitcakes each year, using a recipe that is at least three generations old.  The columnist wrote, “He doesn’t do all the work himself anymore.  Mr. ______ is 85, so most of the work is done by his grandson”

Hmmmm.    So Mr. ____ is described as being limited “because he’s 85”.  That is an expression of ageism:  categorizing a person based on chronological age.

Why might Mr. ____ not do all the work anymore? 

n  He may be mentoring an excited young adult who wants to carry on this family tradition.

n  He may be recuperating from surgery

n  He may have a bad back and can’t lift the heavy utensils holding ingredients for dozens of cakes.

Whatever the reason, the choice, if it is seen as due to this man’s chronological age, it is ageist.

As I read this sentence, I wondered how many readers would even question it. I was reminded of the story of the two young fish swimming along one morning when an older fish passes in the opposite direction and asks, “How’s the water, boys?”  The two young fish look at each other and ask, “What’s water?”  Immersed in it, they could not identify it.  That’s like ageism in our society.  It is so pervasive, we are so immersed in it that we do not recognize it many times.

Ashton Applewhite calls ageism the last acceptable prejudice in our society.  It is also the most perverse because every living person is subject to it.  Geography, gender, and socioeconomic factors have an impact on how much ageism affects given individuals.

Let’s begin to see the metaphorical water we are immersed in and resist it as a matter of justice work  --- and a healthy self interest.

“I must confess, I was dumb.”

© Imelda Maurer, cdp

Do you recognize those as the words spoken by Senator Bernie Sanders following his recent heart attack?

Here is Sanders’ statement in a fuller context:  "Thank God, I have a lot of energy, and during this campaign I've been doing, in some cases, three or four rallies a day all over the state, Iowa, New Hampshire, wherever. And yet I, in the last month or two, just was more fatigued than I usually have been. And I should have listened to those symptoms."

Sanders said this is what he has learned from this cardiac episode and he wants to see that other people learn it too.  “I should have listened to those symptoms.”  Very wise words of advice.

Because we – all of us – have internalized the negative and false ageist message that old age is synonymous with illness, aches and pains and decline, we can fall into the trap of accepting any “symptom” as just old age creeping up on us, as something we just have to live with. This mindset fits in with the model of the body as a machine with many parts. Our body, this false theory says, is going to fall apart just like an old car.  In reality, some parts do wear out.  We can replace hip and knee joints; we can replace the teeth that are typically good for sixty years or so. Beyond that, our bodies are awesome in the ability to heal, to regenerate, to form new neural paths in adapting to some loss in order to continue function.  Listen to your body and respect what it is telling you.

Senator Sanders’ has given us a powerful public lesson.  Listen to your body. If there is something different going on and it persists, seek advice. Do NOT assume it is just part of growing older.

Let Senator Sanders’ experience be a valuable lesson for all of us.

   

Fall and the Seasons of Our Lives

© Imelda Maurer, cdp

This morning I turned the heat on in the house for the first time this season to take the chill off, as we say. Fall has finally come. The trees have lost a few of their leaves. The lawn is sparse with them, fallen before they revealed the fullness of their fall colors.

How many times have you and I read a person of high regard in religious circles, or heard a retreat director speak and compare our lives with the four seasons of the year.  Here we are in the fall of the year, and for me and some of my readers, the fall of our lives.  The typical rendition of this life/season analogy is that just as the leaves fall from the trees and die, the challenge we face in the Fall of our lives is to let go.

Now there is nothing inappropriate with the concept that in our lives we must let go in multiple dimensions of life.  Actually, we live through letting go throughout our life, not just in our later years. Initially, in experiencing birth, we “let go” of the unique and deeply intimate relationship with our mother in her womb.  I resist the typical understanding of “letting go” that is associated with Fall and the falling of leaves because it sends the message that the Fall of our life is defined, is circumscribed by loss and the subsequent challenge (as in ageist Aging and Spirituality lectures) to let go. Nothing is further from the truth. We experience the potential for growth and development throughout our life cycle – not just Spring and Summer but Fall and Winter also! The field of gerontology has confirmed this via a growing field of research. Fall is a time of fullness and richness!

Actually, nature gives us a similar positive message.  Those Fall leaves --- they do more than just fall from the tree and die. They spread awe and wonder, delight and joy as millions of people around the world view their majestic colors.  Those pigments have been a part of each leaf all its life. It is only in the Fall with the declining hours of daily sunlight and lower temperatures that the chlorophyll breaks down and disappears revealing the colors that have always been there!!  It is only within the later stage of its life cycle that the glorious colors become visible.  Think about that! Beauty, continued growth and development becomes possible and visible precisely because of our aging.

Another image of Fall as a time of richness and fullness was made obvious to me during a prayer  at a gathering focusing on aging. The prayer was a kind of litany about Fall. This one line has stayed with me and I smile every time I think of it:

"It is fall. Our barns are full." Indeed they are!

How a sense of advocacy makes life better for residents of our communities

Jill Vitale-Aussem is not only President and CEO of the Eden Alternative, she has authored a recently-published book entitled  Disrupting the Status Quo of Senior Living: A Mindshift (© 2019 Health Professions Press, Inc.)  I look forward to purchasing my copy of Jill's book this weekend when I am at the Pioneer Network Conference in Louisville, KY.

What I offer here is a link to an excerpt from Jill's book that is worthy of your time in reading.  She begins by noting that when prospective residents are looking at a community, the bulk of conversations is what the community can offer to the prospective resident. There is never a conversation addressing what the resident brings to the community.  Person-directed living is predicated on Knowing the Person; the all-too-often ignored part of what the resident brings needs to become operational. How can we facilitate purpose and meaning in the lives of our residents if we do not know each person we serve?

The story in this excerpt revolves around a series of thefts in an Assisted Living Community. It has a happy ending because of the sensitive insights and strong sense of advocacy the administrator exhibited.

Read the story  here.

Francis speaks of imagination and creativity as elements of effective love

“Those who love use their imagination to discover solutions where others see problems. Those who love help others according to their needs and with creativity, not according to preconceived ideas or common conceptions.” - Pope Francis, February 14, 2019

Often I have mused that as Sisters we assume the following false logic: “We love our old Sisters.”  That is an undoubtedly true statement and feeling. But the assumption goes on, “So, of course, we take good care of them.”

Unfragmented, the whole thought is this: “We love our old Sisters. So, of course, we take good care of them.” Love is essential, but it must be proactive if it is to be sufficient. Pope Francis speaks of this directly in his Valentine’s Day message.

In our society, where ageism is so pervasive that we do not recognize it, ageist stereotypes clearly seep through convent walls. This ageism impacts how we view aging, old people (including ourselves), and what is the norm for an appropriate environment and services for these old people (commonly referenced as “they” or “them”). Francis’ statement speaks to the heart of how Sisters can and must approach and implement programs for their elders who need supportive services.

Love drives us to use our imagination to look at what happens and how it happens in our retirement centers with new eyes, with imagination that can envision what can be for our Sisters, not just what has always been.

Francis calls for creativity necessary to meet the needs of our Sisters according to their needs, not according to preconceived ideas, or common conceptions.  Do ageist views of what old age is bind us to preconceived ideas, and blind us to new visions of what creativity could open for our Sisters, and therefore for the world?

Francis is calling for an active love which will transform the present culture of how we view aging and aging services.  In the field of aging services, we call this Culture Change! This movement is a few decades old, and has bold, courageous leaders across the country carrying it’s message forward. It inspires me to know that among this number is a handful of Congregations of women religious whose leaders have listened to and responded to their instinctive knowledge that there can be more for our Sisters in their later years. These superiors have taken seriously their pastoral and canonical mandate to facilitate and nurture the highest possible quality of life for their elders. It is a part of completing the mission for each individual Sister who has committed and spent her life in service to the Church through her particular Religious Institute.

This ministry of service to our own members is merely another facet in the jewel of the works of Mercy which has defined Sisters’ ministry of service as a response to the signs of the times since we first came to the United States as missionaries.

"The Ugly Truth About Ageism: It's a Prejudice Targeting Our Future Selves"

  ©   Imelda Maurer, cdp  September 17, 2018

This blog title is that of an article in The Guardian recently.  I certainly cannot improve on the concepts or the writing, so I include just a few paragraphs from an informative and thought-provoking piece. The entire article can be accessed here.

"We love the elders in our lives and we all hope to grow old, so why does this personal interest not translate into public policy?"  (My own editorializing here ---  it could read, 'why does our love for our elders so rarely translate into environments, policies, procedures, programs and practices that make this love and respect  visible and self-evident to our elders as well as to any observers or visitors to these communities?')

"You see them in most aged-care facilities, seated on pastel-colored lounges, being babysat by a TV they are mostly not watching. Some are asleep, some are sedated, some are cognitively impaired. Seeing them like this, it’s hard to remember they were once young, vital and independent. What’s harder is thinking that it might one day be you."

"So why have we failed to do better by our elderly needing care? Why do we settle for conditions that leave many of them bored, lonely and poorly fed in a way we would never tolerate for ourselves?"

"One underlying cause could be deeply entrenched ageism. It often begins with the language we use. According to writer Ashton Applewhite, if we diminish our regard for the senior members of our society verbally, we are likely to do the same when it comes to the way we frame policy – removing their dignity and sense of agency in condescending generalizations that assume vulnerability and dependence instead of resilience and independence."

"Unlike other prejudices such as racism and sexism, which are manifestations of fear of the other, ageism is unique in targeting our future selves."

 “No prejudice is rational,” says Applewhite. “But with ageism, we have internalised it. We have been complicit in our own marginalisation and it will require active consciousness-raising to correct that, just as the women’s movement did."

Are we ready to engage in active consciousness-raising around issues of ageism?  For my readers who are women religious, there is an urgent call here for us to engage on this issue for the social justice issue that it is! 

Culture Change: Let's Not Make it a Cliché

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Reissued September 5, 2018

There is a wonderful revolution taking place in (albeit all too few) nursing homes across the country. As long as there are parents who say to their children, ‘Promise me you’ll never put me in a nursing home,” or any of us groan to think that we may spend our last days in a medical institution that is foreign to any feel or sense of “home” with all its deep and deeply personal implications, then there is need for this revolution, this transformation, to spread.

It goes by several names: Culture Change; Transformative Nursing Homes: Resident-Centered Care; Person-Centered Care; Green House Model; Household  Model, Wellspring

What all these terms have in common is a philosophy that holds to the following values and attitudes:

•           The resident is put back into the driver’s seat, making as many choices about his/her daily life as possible. One implication is that activities and care revolve around the resident as much as           possible, as contrasted with an institutional model where schedule and staff convenience take precedence.

•           It is an environment that honors the culture of aging as life-affirming, satisfying, humane and meaningful.

•           The place has the feel and look of HOME. Just two evidences of change in the environment:
            No medical carts rumbling down the hallways.
            No centralized  nurses' station

Although the culture is not transformed by merely instituting programs, or doing away with a centralized nursing station, studies have shown that in communities where the culture has transformed to a resident-first culture, certain practices/programs are present. That information can be used as somewhat of an evaluation of how far along on the journey of culture change a community has come. It is accessible at this link:   http://www.artifactsofculturechange.org/ACCTool/  .

Once on that page, scroll down to the "Artifacts of Culture Change Downloadable Version".

Culture change is a deep, challenging transformation of attitudes and values which is dependent on strong, knowledgeable leadership. The leader must have a deep belief in these transformative values and the leadership ability to shape staff so that these values permeate every cell of their being. Anything short of this is not transformative change and the result will not be ‘culture change.’

The win-win part of culture change is that this transformative mode of operation costs no more than traditional, institutional care. In fact, there are many reasons why the cost is probably lower. That’s a topic for another day.

Steve Shields, CEO of a transformative community in Manhattan, KS speaks of what made it possible for him and his staff to move forward in their journey of transformative change. He is quoted in Beth Baker's book, Old Age in a New Age:  When Action Pact consultants first introduced the concepts of culture change, "The vision was painted so strongly and in front of everybody that it became holy. Truly."

I spoke with Steve about that quote and asked him what he meant by saying that culture change is ‘holy.’ He said simply and straightforwardly, “It is holy because it liberates our elders and returns hope to them.”

Interpreting What We See

Sometimes the very field we are in as caregivers or advocates under one broad definition or another can lend a bias to our observations that is not always in the best interests of those we love and serve. Our conclusions may not reflect what  choices they may rightfully make or want to make.

We may think we know better because of our professional background, or because of our position or status. We may be acting from a conscious desire to keep the ones we love and serve safe from making poor decisions.

Sonya’s experience described below and what she took from it spoke to me strongly of just one example of implicit bias that exists in all good people. It was her Facbook entry posted earlier this morning

Sonya Barsness Consulting

It happened again today. Blue the Elder Dog (Chief Executive of Cuteness and Herding for Sonya Barsness Consulting) and I went for a walk. He walked very slowly and wobbily, breathing heavily. He didn't make it around the block. I picked him up and carried him into the house. As I sat processing this, he came up to me and started barking, nudging his ball towards me. 

Wha????
And it hit me - he is reserving his energy for what is important to him.
How often do we make assumptions about what our beloveds need and want? Do we notice what brings them to life?
And so we played.
Blue the Elder Dog has been promoted to Senior Chief Executive of Wisdom.

"I just wanted a little sun."

A couple of Sundays ago our St. Louis region was under a heat wave advisory. After returning from an early morning Mass, I changed clothes and went out to water the flowers before it got too hot.

I saw my neighbor whose back yard is just catty-corner from my own. Rita was sitting in the shade on her patio. I waved and she waved back. I've always liked and appreciated my friendship with Rita for her warmth, intelligence and her almost-92-years of life experience.

"Did you give up on the air conditioning?" I asked.

"No, I just wanted a little sun."

I wished her a nice day and got on with my watering. Working in the yard always provides an ambiance for thoughtful reflection.

How simple a thing, and how satisfying, this going out and sitting on the patio because you want a little sun.  How nice that Rita can do that – just step outside and find your favorite chair. Get up and go in when you've had enough sun. One can do that when one lives at home. 

Coincidentally, the following day or so, Penny Cook, Executive Director of the Pioneer Network, posted a piece on Facebook about transforming the culture of aging. She noted that with all of the changes that we have seen, we still have far to go.  One such item Penny mentioned was this: "We continue to build communities without easily accessible areas for people to independently spend time outside."

The present, traditional system of aging services which too many people - who don't live there - are satisfied with because  "they get good care there"  needs to be turned on its head so that getting good physical care is no longer enough.  It must be QUALITY OF LIFE that is the benchmark standard resulting from choice, dignity, autonomy, privacy, relationships. 

It would include easy outdoor access so that all the Ritas who live there could spend time outside independently-- just getting a little sun.

"Diminishment" is a terrible word to use to descrie older adults.

'The winter season of our prayer life is a mixture of blessing and diminishment that also describes the winter season of our life.' Those are words from the Retreat Director I heard just this morning.

This prayerful woman has been leading a group of almost 50 Sisters in a retreat whose theme has been "The Seasons of Our Life". Of course I cringed when I heard her use that "D" word. It was another instance of how all of us are exposed to the prejudices of ageism, how we internalize them, absorb them absent any evaluation, and in cases like this, further propagate these internalized prejudices to other victims.

What pained me most in hearing that "D" word used as allegedly describing later life was for my other Sisters gathered there, all of us clearly in the second half of life. At a subconscious level, at least, taking such words in without evaluating them results in a sense of "being less"; it may also generate unexamined feelings of shame for being "diminished", for being old.

The GOOD NEWS, the whole truth about the aging process is waiting to be preached!  The solid data from the fields of gerontology and of the psychology of aging MUST be used as the grounding for a spirituality for all of us in the second half or second third of life. This grounding is the only approach that will provide a spirituality of aging that holds integrity.

Without a marriage of sound gerontological and psychological data with a paired grounding  in  Scripture, we are left with messages about aging and spirituality that, at their worst, are harmful to our self-concept of our future selves  (and therefore harmful to our well-being along several dimensions), and, at best, offer only pious piffle.

Where is that person who is going to preach the GOOD NEWS, that is, the WHOLE TRUTH to my sisters?

About the 'Yikes' in a Previous Post

In my last post, I stated that I had been asked to be assessed for the right to hold and use my driver's license solely because I had reached a certain chronological age. I responded with "YIKES!"

Many of my peers don't react visibly that way. For whatever reason. Here is why I did.

Let me share the following story told to me by a Latina woman.  She grew up in El Paso, Texas in the 1950's. Each year on the first day of school, the Mexican children – only the Mexican children – were taken from the classroom to have their heads checked for lice.

Let that settle in.

Racism blatant enough to cause an audible gasp. How could such a thing happen?  It doesn't happen today because, thank God, society is sensitized to the prejudice of judging others on the sole basis of ethnicity.

School officials in El Paso did not set out to ostracize or alienate their Mexican students, I feel sure. They were seeking the common good. The presence of head lice is a public health issue and the schools have a responsibility to ensure a safe, healthy environment.  The way they attempted to ensure this common good, however, was racist, based, quite obviously, on the premise that lice infestation is more likely among Mexicans. Epidemiology tells us such assumptions are patently false. So to act in the way these school officials did, was simply racist.

The laudable goal of assuring a healthy environment should be sought. It just has to be done in a way that is not racist, in a way that does not denigrate any class of persons because of their ethnicity.

The connection with requiring a driving test on based on age?  I hope it is obvious. To make assumptions about anything, or to demand certain procedures to be followed, based solely on chronological age is ageist.

Do we want to keep drivers and all those whom they might encounter when they are behind the wheel safe?  Of course we all do. We just have to do it in a way that is not ageist. Can we do that? Of course we can! When there is an awareness of how vicious and self-harming ageism is to all of us, we will look for another way.

I hope it is soon.

"Don't Say 'Still'"

I just blurted it out.  It wasn't angry or belligerent; it was just an instinctive and immediate response delivered with certitude and confidence.  The setting: a representative of an insurance company testing my 75+ year-old cognitive skills prior to a driving test required for me to keep my driver's license.  That aspect of my story is for another day. Let me just say here that the required test had nothing to do with my perfect driving record. It was purely age-based. YIKES!

This personable woman was giving me the results of a simple cognitive test and explained that my score meant I could still --- and I interrupted her right there. "Don't say 'still'. When you use that word it implies that I surpass expectations for a certain capability expected for someone my chronological age."  The examiner responded very positively, saying she had never thought of that meaning in use of the word "still" and she clearly caught my meaning immediately. She went on to say that she was presenting a training for employees of an adult day care center that evening at a local site her employer insured. The topic was customer service and she would use this new knowledge with her class.

When I found a geriatrician here in the St. Louis area soon after my relocation here, she asked me three questions on my first visit:

1. Have you fallen within the last six months?  Good question. Persons over the age of 65 are at risk for serious consequence when a fall is sustained.

2. Do you live independently at home? Good question. It gives some general indication of the level of my physical/cognitive functions.

3.  Do you still drive?  OH NO! My geriatrician flunked on that question.  Still?  The implication is that someone of my chronological age may surely have lost the complex interplay of skills that driving requires.

Not to be repetitious, but we use the word "still" when we are describing something seen as beyond the time line society determines.  If you smile when you see this picture below, you get it. Bring it to your level of consciousness when dealing with what society has told all of us about aging and older adults.

For the most part, what we absorb from our culture about what aging is and what to expect as a result of the aging process is so false and so detrimental to each one of us.  It's way past time to start learning the real facts about aging and life in our later years!  In fact, the more you know the whole story about aging, the better aging looks!

LIFE IN A WHEEL CHAIR

This poem was written by Sister Janet Thielges, OSB and posted on her monastery's website.  https://sbm.osb.org   It speaks for itself and can serve as a wake-up call about some of our unconscious assumptions or biases.

Life in a Wheel Chair

I fell

and injured my back.

I can see, hear and talk

and my mind is as sharp as a whistle.

Ninety.

Wheelchairs.

Bring on changes.

They minimize visits.

“Can anyone who can’t walk, talk?”

Seems not.

Shopping. 

With companion. 

Person I knew came by. 

Greeted only my companion.

Ah well! 

Today.

A gent “gets” it.

“Did she fall?” asked a lady.

“Ask her. She can talk,” said the gent.

I’m real!

I smiled. 

It made my day. 

The wheelchair’s a helpful thing;

but I never stop being a person.

Thank you!

Janet Thielges, OSB

How We Use Our Words

US News and World Report writes often about nursing home-related issues.  Angela Haupt is Assistant Managing Editor of Health at U.S. News and has written a series of such articles around "Activities" in nursing homes.  I read one such article this morning in which she noted pet therapy and therapeutic cooking in some nursing homes as examples of innovative "activities".  I responded to Angela and share that letter here.

Dear Angela, 

Thank you for your articles on some of the wonderful things happening in nursing homes to make life better for those who live there and who work there. Because our choice and use of words is so important, I am asking you to reconsider your use of the words "therapy" and "therapeutic" when referencing activities in a nursing home. When one refers to pet therapy or to therapeutic cooking, it medicalizes a normal human activity. 

If I may expand, a little -- when I sit down in the evening after a hard day's work, and my cat jumps into my lap, there is a rush of endorphins and my blood pressure goes down. I am content and serene and it shows on my face.  Yet, the next morning at work I never say to my peers that I engaged in pet therapy the previous evening (!)

The same is true for other activities. Sometimes I go into the kitchen and cook or bake something just for the pure pleasure and sense of relaxation it gives me. Yet,when I share those cookies, for example, I never share them as the result of "therapeutic cooking".

Medicalizing events in a nursing home reduces elders to their medical conditions.  I know that was never your intention, and that you most assuredly learned these terms in the very nursing homes that are engaged in these innovative enrichment events. Your pen is so powerful, Angela.  I trust that you will continue to use it to transform the culture of every nursing home in our country.  Thank you!

Imelda Maurer, LNHA

Proud to be a Guide at the 2018 Pioneer Network Conference in Denver. Want to know more? Ask me or check out the Pioneer Network website:   https://www.pioneernetwork.net/conference/