Review of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism

Throughout my adult life,  there have been a small number of books that are such treasures in wisdom, insights and new knowledge that I have been impelled to announce to friends, colleagues, and at least once or twice to elevator companions, that the book is something that they just  MUST treat themselves to because it will change how they think, how they view the subject at hand.  One of those books is This Chair Rocks by Ashton Applewhite.

What follows is a review that I provided at the invitation of a Sister in elected leadership in  her congregation for their Provincial newsletter.

We’ve all been there:

--  Shocked, unhappy at the growing expanse of gray hair --- or maybe just the growing expanse!

--  The dissatisfaction with hair that is getting thinner, the chin that is becoming a double chin

--The embarrassment that it is not always so easy to open that sealed jar of olives

--The embarrassment that it takes a little longer to get up that last flight of stairs

In This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, Ashton Applewhite sets all these experiences around aging in perspective, showing how almost universally we respond to these physical changes as negative. She calls it “age shame”, seeded and nurtured through the false, negative myths of aging that we have absorbed all our lives. We have never assessed these suppositions about age; we have just believed them and have been taken in by them hook, line and sinker! Believing all these negative myths about aging is a profound prejudice against our future selves and is profoundly harmful to our well-being

When God looked at Creation on the seventh day, God said, “It is good, very good.” God did not say, “The first forty years or so of human life are very good, but after that it is pretty much downhill”. This Chair Rocks releases – without ever using a religious context - the Gospel News that God’s creation of us is “good, very good”, not just for the first half of life but throughout the lifespan. Read it and it will turn your ideas of aging on their head! This is the good news that we should be preaching today in our works of mercy through word and example!

We are so immersed in it.

Each Wednesday’s local paper always includes a Food section. The feature article this past Wednesday was a story about Mr. ____ who makes dozens of fruitcakes each year, using a recipe that is at least three generations old.  The columnist wrote, “He doesn’t do all the work himself anymore.  Mr. ______ is 85, so most of the work is done by his grandson”

Hmmmm.    So Mr. ____ is described as being limited “because he’s 85”.  That is an expression of ageism:  categorizing a person based on chronological age.

Why might Mr. ____ not do all the work anymore? 

n  He may be mentoring an excited young adult who wants to carry on this family tradition.

n  He may be recuperating from surgery

n  He may have a bad back and can’t lift the heavy utensils holding ingredients for dozens of cakes.

Whatever the reason, the choice, if it is seen as due to this man’s chronological age, it is ageist.

As I read this sentence, I wondered how many readers would even question it. I was reminded of the story of the two young fish swimming along one morning when an older fish passes in the opposite direction and asks, “How’s the water, boys?”  The two young fish look at each other and ask, “What’s water?”  Immersed in it, they could not identify it.  That’s like ageism in our society.  It is so pervasive, we are so immersed in it that we do not recognize it many times.

Ashton Applewhite calls ageism the last acceptable prejudice in our society.  It is also the most perverse because every living person is subject to it.  Geography, gender, and socioeconomic factors have an impact on how much ageism affects given individuals.

Let’s begin to see the metaphorical water we are immersed in and resist it as a matter of justice work  --- and a healthy self interest.

“I must confess, I was dumb.”

© Imelda Maurer, cdp

Do you recognize those as the words spoken by Senator Bernie Sanders following his recent heart attack?

Here is Sanders’ statement in a fuller context:  "Thank God, I have a lot of energy, and during this campaign I've been doing, in some cases, three or four rallies a day all over the state, Iowa, New Hampshire, wherever. And yet I, in the last month or two, just was more fatigued than I usually have been. And I should have listened to those symptoms."

Sanders said this is what he has learned from this cardiac episode and he wants to see that other people learn it too.  “I should have listened to those symptoms.”  Very wise words of advice.

Because we – all of us – have internalized the negative and false ageist message that old age is synonymous with illness, aches and pains and decline, we can fall into the trap of accepting any “symptom” as just old age creeping up on us, as something we just have to live with. This mindset fits in with the model of the body as a machine with many parts. Our body, this false theory says, is going to fall apart just like an old car.  In reality, some parts do wear out.  We can replace hip and knee joints; we can replace the teeth that are typically good for sixty years or so. Beyond that, our bodies are awesome in the ability to heal, to regenerate, to form new neural paths in adapting to some loss in order to continue function.  Listen to your body and respect what it is telling you.

Senator Sanders’ has given us a powerful public lesson.  Listen to your body. If there is something different going on and it persists, seek advice. Do NOT assume it is just part of growing older.

Let Senator Sanders’ experience be a valuable lesson for all of us.

   

Fall and the Seasons of Our Lives

© Imelda Maurer, cdp

This morning I turned the heat on in the house for the first time this season to take the chill off, as we say. Fall has finally come. The trees have lost a few of their leaves. The lawn is sparse with them, fallen before they revealed the fullness of their fall colors.

How many times have you and I read a person of high regard in religious circles, or heard a retreat director speak and compare our lives with the four seasons of the year.  Here we are in the fall of the year, and for me and some of my readers, the fall of our lives.  The typical rendition of this life/season analogy is that just as the leaves fall from the trees and die, the challenge we face in the Fall of our lives is to let go.

Now there is nothing inappropriate with the concept that in our lives we must let go in multiple dimensions of life.  Actually, we live through letting go throughout our life, not just in our later years. Initially, in experiencing birth, we “let go” of the unique and deeply intimate relationship with our mother in her womb.  I resist the typical understanding of “letting go” that is associated with Fall and the falling of leaves because it sends the message that the Fall of our life is defined, is circumscribed by loss and the subsequent challenge (as in ageist Aging and Spirituality lectures) to let go. Nothing is further from the truth. We experience the potential for growth and development throughout our life cycle – not just Spring and Summer but Fall and Winter also! The field of gerontology has confirmed this via a growing field of research. Fall is a time of fullness and richness!

Actually, nature gives us a similar positive message.  Those Fall leaves --- they do more than just fall from the tree and die. They spread awe and wonder, delight and joy as millions of people around the world view their majestic colors.  Those pigments have been a part of each leaf all its life. It is only in the Fall with the declining hours of daily sunlight and lower temperatures that the chlorophyll breaks down and disappears revealing the colors that have always been there!!  It is only within the later stage of its life cycle that the glorious colors become visible.  Think about that! Beauty, continued growth and development becomes possible and visible precisely because of our aging.

Another image of Fall as a time of richness and fullness was made obvious to me during a prayer  at a gathering focusing on aging. The prayer was a kind of litany about Fall. This one line has stayed with me and I smile every time I think of it:

"It is fall. Our barns are full."

How a sense of advocacy makes life better for residents of our communities

Jill Vitale-Aussem is not only President and CEO of the Eden Alternative, she has authored a recently-published book entitled  Disrupting the Status Quo of Senior Living: A Mindshift (© 2019 Health Professions Press, Inc.)  I look forward to purchasing my copy of Jill's book this weekend when I am at the Pioneer Network Conference in Louisville, KY.

What I offer here is a link to an excerpt from Jill's book that is worthy of your time in reading.  She begins by noting that when prospective residents are looking at a community, the bulk of conversations is what the community can offer to the prospective resident. There is never a conversation addressing what the resident brings to the community.  Person-directed living is predicated on Knowing the Person; the all-too-often ignored part of what the resident brings needs to become operational. How can we facilitate purpose and meaning in the lives of our residents if we do not know each person we serve?

The story in this excerpt revolves around a series of thefts in an Assisted Living Community. It has a happy ending because of the sensitive insights and strong sense of advocacy the administrator exhibited.

Read the story  here.

Free Webinar from Pioneer Network featuring Ashton Applewhite

For my readers who may not know who Ashton Applewhite is, she is an author and a leading figure internationally in the movement to raise consciousness about ageism and to end it!

On Tuesday, June 25 at 2:00 EST, Ashton will be a guest for the Pioneer Network webinar.  It is free, but registration is required.  You can register here

If you are not available to listen at the presentation time, your registration will allow you to access the webinar at a later time.

I encourage my readers to go for it!

Francis speaks of imagination and creativity as elements of effective love

“Those who love use their imagination to discover solutions where others see problems. Those who love help others according to their needs and with creativity, not according to preconceived ideas or common conceptions.” - Pope Francis, February 14, 2019

Often I have mused that as Sisters we assume the following false logic: “We love our old Sisters.”  That is an undoubtedly true statement and feeling. But the assumption goes on, “So, of course, we take good care of them.”

Unfragmented, the whole thought is this: “We love our old Sisters. So, of course, we take good care of them.” Love is essential, but it must be proactive if it is to be sufficient. Pope Francis speaks of this directly in his Valentine’s Day message.

In our society, where ageism is so pervasive that we do not recognize it, ageist stereotypes clearly seep through convent walls. This ageism impacts how we view aging, old people (including ourselves), and what is the norm for an appropriate environment and services for these old people (commonly referenced as “they” or “them”). Francis’ statement speaks to the heart of how Sisters can and must approach and implement programs for their elders who need supportive services.

Love drives us to use our imagination to look at what happens and how it happens in our retirement centers with new eyes, with imagination that can envision what can be for our Sisters, not just what has always been.

Francis calls for creativity necessary to meet the needs of our Sisters according to their needs, not according to preconceived ideas, or common conceptions.  Do ageist views of what old age is bind us to preconceived ideas, and blind us to new visions of what creativity could open for our Sisters, and therefore for the world?

Francis is calling for an active love which will transform the present culture of how we view aging and aging services.  In the field of aging services, we call this Culture Change! This movement is a few decades old, and has bold, courageous leaders across the country carrying it’s message forward. It inspires me to know that among this number is a handful of Congregations of women religious whose leaders have listened to and responded to their instinctive knowledge that there can be more for our Sisters in their later years. These superiors have taken seriously their pastoral and canonical mandate to facilitate and nurture the highest possible quality of life for their elders. It is a part of completing the mission for each individual Sister who has committed and spent her life in service to the Church through her particular Religious Institute.

This ministry of service to our own members is merely another facet in the jewel of the works of Mercy which has defined Sisters’ ministry of service as a response to the signs of the times since we first came to the United States as missionaries.