Sunday, September 22, 2013

Nancy Pelosi and Pope Francis

This statement from Nancy Pelosi on national TV was just too good not to pass on.

Nancy Pelosi represents San Francisco and when I lived in San Francisco, she was my congressional Representative. (Imagine my culture shock when, on moving to St. Charles, MO., I discovered that I was in Todd Akin’s district!!)

In addition to being the first woman Speaker of the House and a very progressive Democrat, Nancy is a strong Catholic.

Sunday morning on CNN’s “State of the Union” news program, host Candace Crowley interviewed Nancy about issues political of course. Then she asked Nancy, “As a prominent Catholic, what is your response to the Pope’s interview that has been so widely reviewed?” Nancy smiled broadly and said, “He’s beginning to talk like the nuns!”

What a breath of fresh air! What a new breath from the Spirit!

In case you have not read the interview itself, I encourage you to do so. It can be accessed here:

http://www.americamagazine.org/pope-interview

Copy and paste this address into your browser address box.)

Monday, September 16, 2013

Ageism within the healthcare profession

The line from a physician, “What do you expect, you’re 75>” -- or 79 -- or 84 or --- is not just an innocent joke punch line. It may well reflect an ageist attitude on the part of the provider.

Ageism is alive and well within the medical field as evidence by research and all-too-common anecdotal accounts. The current issue of The AARP Magazine has an article entitled, “Signs it might be time to find a new doctor.”

The author reflects that many times older adults are hesitant to “fire” their doctor because of the respect that generation has for positions of authority and expertise. We are reminded that the doctor works for us.

Along with suggestions on how to leave your doctor graciously and respectfully, the following checklist is offered.

It’s good information for any of us personally and for those of us who care for older adults, including supervising medical care, or accompanying them on visits to their physician.

1. There needs to be “chemistry” and mutual respect between you and your physician. If there is no, “there’s an issue.

2. If a younger person accompanies you, does the physician address his/her remarks to “that person rather than you?

3. Does the physician dismiss every complaint, blaming age instead of considering other causes?

4. Does the physician insist that nothing can be done?

5. Does the physician write a prescription for medication without a thorough discussion, or without a workup to determine the need/efficacy of the prescription?

6. Does the physician describe a variety of medications and procedures, or keeps referring you to more specialists without your seeing any improvement?

Friday, September 13, 2013

Negative bias toward aging

I’ve pledged to respond to incidents of ageism when I am subjected to or exposed to them. An aspect of ageism includes statements that infer that the gift of years is a negative quality rather than a positive one. Clearly the negative bias toward aging makes no sense when one considers that the alternative to not growing older, not having another birthday is death.

So today I report experiencing negative bias toward aging in a public venue, in a situation in which a presenter addressed some 40 - 50 people, all of whom work with elders. It was an “innocent” enough statement. In her introductory remarks, the speaker asked how many in the audience were parents. Then she asked how many were grandparents, but quickly added, “Oh, no one here is old enough to be grandparents.” Clearly, the majority of the participants were old enough to be grandparents, and many of us old enough to be great-grandparents.

The speaker caved to the broader society’s value of the worship of youthfulness, to valuing youthfulness over maturity and old age. That is a negative bias toward aging. As such, it is an example of ageism.
I dare say that the vast majority of the participants did not recognize this “innocent” question as rooted in an, albeit unconscious, ageist attitude. To state again the obvious: Ageism is so prevalent and so deeply imbedded in our culture that we are not aware of it and we do not recognize its presence.

It is not logical to place a value, positive or negative, on a person based solely on their chronological age. Since most of our society’s biases toward aging are negative, those subject to ageism are devalued by this bias. This cohort of elders, seen through the bias, the prejudice, of ageism becomes marginalized and oppressed.

We cannot address this societal prejudice until we are first consciously aware of its pervasive presence.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

"Never throw away old pantyhose"

The title here is a headline I saw earlier today at Yahoo.com. It is actually the first line of an obituary for Mary Maloney, a mother and grandmother and so much more, who died early this month in Wisconsin. The Yahoo article is quite moving as it quotes part of the obituary.

Explaining why the family created and published this unique obituary, Kevin, one of Mary’s sons said, “We wanted it to portray who she was and her love for people and just her funny ways of going about it. She was an extraordinary person in an ordinary way. ‘Survived by so and so and accomplished this and that didn't capture that.’"

I’ve often wondered why we Sisters don’t pay public tribute in a similar way when one of our own dies. When we note the passing of our own now, most of us in the community have known that Sister for 40 or 50 or 60 years. We’ve ‘grown up together. We experienced Vatican II and post Vatican II religious life together; we have sat in circles or at the breakfast table and talked about profound things and not so profound things; we have shared in the ups and downs of our birth families, sometimes of struggles and victories in our personal, professional or community life. We have prayed together, laughed and cried together. We have known how she was loved and appreciated by those she served in ministry, how she brought life to a local community - - - .I agree with Kevin Maloney, ‘Survived by so and so and accomplished this and that’ doesn’t capture that.

And from another perspective: is there not much to say about our cherished members, about the life they lived with grace and honor, the life and love they brought to us and to others throughout their lives? If a young woman reads an obituary which only states ‘daughter of’, ‘served in . . . ’, ‘services are . . . ’ would that obituary stir a curiosity or interest in religious life.

What if a young woman reads an obituary that includes this statement: “Sister will be remembered as a talented, innovative and caring teacher and a gifted poet.” And the statement from an alumna: “She left an indelible mark on the hearts and lives of our family."

It seems to me that this latter example of an obituary accomplishes more than one purpose: it shows due honor to a cherished member of the congregation. Really, aren’t we more than where we taught or what we taught? What schools or hospitals we administered? This more personal obituary also puts a spotlight on a single life of love and service, lived uniquely and received uniquely by those whom she served and the Sisters with whom she shared her life.

My gratitude to the Religious of the Sacred Heart, Atherton, California for the obituary I just quoted. It appeared in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch on August 21, 2013, marking the death of Sister Anna Mae Marheineke, RSCJ


(If you want to read the entire obituary of Mary Maloney, a tribute to and beautiful portrait of an undoubtedly loving, lovely and special woman, you can copy and paste this link into your browser: http://www.feerickfuneralhome.com/notices.php?id=1036 )

Monday, September 9, 2013

Relationships -- it's all about relationshps

One of the heroines in my life is Carter Catlett Williams, a geriatric social worker. She has also been a tireless advocate for elders, going back some 30 years or more. It was a visit to a nursing home resident, a man, who was sitting in a wheelchair restrained with a posey vest that set her on her quest. His words to Carter haunted her and would not let go of her: “It’s a terrible thing for a man to lose his freedom.”

Armed with these words and their implications, Carter began speaking of restraint-free care at every opportunity. She was always told by health care providers that physical restraints were necessary to keep frail elders safe. On one speaking engagement, there was a physician from Sweden in Carter’s audience. He invited Carter to “come see how we do it in Sweden.”

The “Untie the Elderly” was one campaign in the late 1980s which was sparked by Carter’s advocacy. Today, I say with much gratitude and joy, there are young professionals working in the field of aging services who have never seen a posey vest!! Cater was a pioneer in raising a professional consciousness that tying people to their chair or their bed did not keep them safe, but in fact, caused damage to every system in their body as well as to their spirit.

Another core value of this noted social worker is embodied in her statement, “Relationships are the heart of life.”
Just one application of this central value is reflected in a recent article by Megan Hannan of Action Pact. Megan reflects on the role and value of pets in our life, and especially for elders living with dementia. She shows that living with pets provides opportunities for both giving and receiving. This is the link. I encourage you to paste the link in your browser and read it.

http://blog.actionpact.com/2013/06/07/caring-for-a-pet-helps-meet-essential-human-needs/

Saturday, September 7, 2013

The role of advocacy in our life

A Sister-friend who works in a Catholic health care system sent the following reflection to me earlier this week. For any of us who have family members or friends in any aging services community (nursing home, assisted living, independent living) we should consider seriously the primary role of advocacy our relationship with them imposes. This reflection sets advocacy in a broad context that I thought was worth sharing.



Reflection on Advocacy
• There is no reason to believe that advocacy belongs to specialists such as attorneys, educators, social workers, clergy and public officials. To advocate for someone is simply to speak out with strength, knowledge and wisdom on his or her behalf. We do that all the time, whether or not we are aware of it: in conversations at work, in our children’s schools, in our places of worship, in our neighborhoods. To advocate for another person is to know what you want the world to be like - and to be willing to stand by that.

• Advocacy misses the mark when it is not a course of action we have chosen consciously in order to make an explicit point. Busy, too attentive to long-range goals at the expense of the momentary opportunity, or afraid of the fallout from an unfavorable response, we give up too easily. Advocacy by default is weak, unclear, often misconstrued. You can’t advocate effectively for someone unless you are willing to take the time to know what he or she really needs. Many of the actions we do initiate lack focus, miss the bigger picture, and fail to communicate what we believe to be the valuable core messages of our lives. To advocate for someone is to paint with conviction, with a wide brush, on the canvas you have been given.


• When you advocate effectively for another person you are acting out of your deepest integrity and clarifying your sense of mission. The Sufi mystic poet Rumi, in speaking about the transformative power of advocacy, compared it to the single-minded quest of a wild animal for the nourishment to sustain life: Think that you’re gliding out from the face of a cliff like an eagle. Think you’re walking like a tiger walks by himself in the forest. You’re most handsome when you’re after food. Spend less time with nightingales and peacocks. One is just a voice, the other just a color. The safest and most reliable way to learn who you are meant to be is by finding your place in genuine community. To advocate for someone is to find your true voice and your true colors.

• You don’t think anyone wants to hear your opinion?
• 1. If you don’t express your opinion, it’s as though you don’t have it.
• 2. Be sure your opinion is worth being expressed – do you need to give it more time and thought to ensure that it won’t cause more harm than good?
• 3. If you have expressed your opinion clearly and respectfully - in the right place, at the right time and to the right person – you have begun to be an advocate.
• 4. The next step is to double-check how you are being perceived and understood. If you’re not sure, ask.
• 5. In general, try to avoid making assumptions about a person or a situation, because a wrong guess or poorly developed theory can end up invalidating the good points you are raising.
• 6. Taking the trouble to establish your credibility can give your advocacy a surprising influence. To advocate effectively empowers you for future service to others.

• American poet Emily Dickinson wrote: If I can stop one heart from breaking, /I shall not live in vain;/ If I can ease one life the aching,/ Or cool one pain,/ Or help one fainting robin/ Unto his nest again,/ I shall not live in vain. At its most basic, advocacy is the ability to recognize the worth of another person and act out of love for the sake of his or her well-being without counting the cost. To advocate for the healing of another person, even one, ensures that your life’s meaningfulness will contribute to the healing of the wider world. – Rev. Enid L. Ross
God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them. – Bono, lead singer of U2

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. – Albert Einstein


Only those who respect the personality of others can be of real use to them. – Albert Schweitzer



Thursday Reflection Service at University Medical Center Brackenridge
September 5, 2013